"OK BOOMER!"

So here I am 14 years later.  I just read my posts from 2011 and realized that I should have continued this.  My life has changed so much in those 14 years.  And "Pressing the Pause Button"  has become more and more appropriate.

I am now 68 years old - an official senior citizen.  My oldest son, Karl III, is 36 years old, married and living in San Diego.  His wife, Jamie, is expecting their first child next March.  My youngest son, Andrew, is 33 years old, married and living in Emmett Idaho.  He and his wife, Stevie, have two sons.  Finn is 9 years old and Krosley is 5 years old.  

I love my family and it is very difficult for me to live so far from them. I wish daily that I could Press the Pause Button or at least the slow down button.  Watching those two boys grow and how fast they change, I want to be there for everything.  I call them often to check in and we face time a lot.  Thank God for technology in that respect. I get to see them not just hear them.

This year has been a difficult one for my health.  I was doing so well in the first 3 months of the year.  I had the best blood test that I have ever had since I started figuring out my issues.  I was exercising, eating correctly and striving to regulate my stress.  Then I started organizing my 50th High School Reunion.  It was a lot of work and I had help, but everyone looked to me to make sure it turned out. And it did turn out great.  Fun was had by everyone.  But it really took a toll on my health, it's my fault - I let it happen.  

On August 8th I started monitoring my sleep.  I have been waking up tired and achy with brain fog.  My chiropractor suggested I wear a ring at night to monitor my sleep to see if I was getting enough oxygen.  It was not good.  I was stunned to see that some nights I was so bad that if a sleep doctor saw this he would suggest a CPAP machine.  I don't snore and in fact have been taping my mouth at night for almost a year.  But, my numbers were all over the place.  So I looked at everything.  What am I eating?  When am I eating?  What supplements am I taking?  I also looked at my last blood test and remembered that the Doctor has said that my thyroid medicine may need to be adjusted down.  

I started some self care.  I knew I needed a neck adjustment, so I had that done.  I found a new hairdresser and I know that sounds weird but it really makes a difference if you like the way you look.  I went and had an amazing massage.  

Then I decided to start walking in the mornings.  I set a goal of 2 miles every morning for that first week.  On August 30th I started and funny thing my sleep numbers started getting better.  The first night was good, the second night was better, last night was the best!  

Getting to Pressing the Pause Button.  On my walks I have been listening to a book on tape and I really enjoy that.  This morning was different, I still listened to my book but I also started looking up in the sky, watching the sunrise.  The clouds were amazing, I saw a hummingbird.   We all need to stop and enjoy what is around us.  Enjoy what nature has to share.  Press the Pause Button of all the bustle of life and look at your surroundings.  

Technology

I love gadgets!  I've always had a mechanical side to me.  I enjoy figuring out how it works and what it can do for me.

When I first met my husband, we went to a car show in San Francisco where they showcase all the new cars.  This was in 1985, the gadgets in cars were not what they are today but I gravitated to the ones with all the options.  Karl is different, he is highly mechanical, but he feels the less options - the less that can break down (and the less he has to fix).

I didn't always agree with him, but find myself agreeing with him more and more.  We got a new programmable coffee maker when we first finished our remodeled kitchen.  It was so cool, but it broke down within 2 years, it was very expensive and I expected it to last longer.  We got another one and it broke down too.  I got out my old Melita - the kind with filters, you boil water and pour it in.  There isn't anything to go wrong - very simple.  You have to wait for water to boil to have your coffee, but so what.  And, the coffee is really good. 

I can't believe how spoiled we are nowadays.  We want everything now - instantly.  We can't wait or work for anything.  I actually prefer my coffee brewed that way now.  There are still things that can go wrong.  The carafe can break, but it's cheaper to buy one of those than a whole new coffee maker.

I think we are lazy as a society because of technology.  Why should I learn to cook when I can buy prepared food and microwave it?  Why should I learn how to do something when a program or gadget can do it for me.  Why???  Because it makes you a better person, a more interesting person and someone who has substance and skills.  Maybe, someone who is more valuable.

I see it everyday in my business.  The computer program I work with advertises that anyone can do bookkeeping with their software.  Yeah, anyone can enter data.   But is it entered correctly?
When I am asked by a client if they should take a course on the program, I usually answer that they need to take a class in accounting.  The program makes more sense if you know how things should look once your done. 

Our society should "Press the Pause Button" and learn how to do something without the technology.  They should learn the skills it takes to do something with your hands and mind and not let a machine do it for you.  I enjoy learning how gadgets work and how they can make my life easier and technology is not bad.  But, we need to use our minds and not rely on technology for everything we do.

Animals

Animals are such a big part of our lives in our family.  I was raised to believe that animals have a place.  My mom always liked having pets but they were put in a place where she couldn't get too close.  I think they were so poor when she was little that they didn't have pets as pets, they were farm animals who had jobs and sometimes got butchered and eaten.  So you didn't get close.  My dad was a little different, he loved pets.  But, being married to mom who was more practical he got close and loved them but they were not put at the same level as humans.

My husband, Karl, is similar to my dad in that the animals love him as much as he does them.  There is just a connection that he has with them.  It's funny how animals can tell who truly loves them.  When he meets a new animal he waits to see how they will react to him and through instinct he just connects with them. 

We have two German Shepherds, three male black cats and three goats.  Our German Shepherds are so special.  The female - Koki, is my husband's dog.  She bonded with him the moment she met him.  It was so funny, he walked into the yard where the puppies were and just stood there.  The boys and I were walking around and picking up puppies, we knew we wanted a female and there were plenty to pick from.  Karl was just standing there, Koki waddled over and plopped right down on his foot.  It was love at first sight for both of them.  Of course, she was the most expensive one there because of her disposition and her color, but there was no denying him or her.

Koki is a dominant female, for those of you who have owned a dominate female you know what I mean.  She wants to rule the roost.  I had never lived with a dog like this before.  She tries to take my place in the household.  I'm not an extremely dominate or pushy person but I have had to be with her.  I often tell my husband she is just waiting for me to not be here anymore so she can take over.  I have to let her know every once in a while that I am boss, you should see the looks she gives me. 

I decided that I needed my own German Shepherd and we couldn't get a female because of Koki and her dominance.  So I started researching breeders and we found this awesome breeder named Amy.  Amy's philosophy about the first 8 weeks matched how we felt about animals.  She interviewed us to decide if a German Shepherd would fit in our household, I guess we passed muster because we got Rocco when he was 8 weeks old.  He is so amazing.  He isn't just my dog, he has a relationship with each of us that is unique.  He is always so happy and so well adjusted.  He has become a family member. 

Now, about Pressing the Pause Button.  Why do animals live such short lives?  We enjoy each of our animals so much.  And, they do each have their own personality.  I listen to people talk about their pets and you can tell how much a part of their lives they are.  I wish that we could pause or just slow down so that we could enjoy them more.  We all go to work and school and about our lives and the animals wait for us to return and spend time with them.  They are so faithful and loving.  I know logically why-because we would be overrun with animals if they lived longer.  We have problems now even with how long they live and the pet population - just go to the Humane Society website and look at how many animals there are without homes.  But emotionally, wouldn't it be grand to have them in our lives for a little longer?
This is my Rocco chillaxing at home.  He's so funny!

Kids and Technology

One of the most difficult areas to navigate raising children in this era is deciding how much to allow them to play video games, play on the computer and watch TV.  My parents didn't have to deal with this.  We had one TV and the only time there was children programming was on Saturday morning and it was over by 11:00 a.m.. At night we only got 3 channels (1 was fuzzy) and the programming was geared towards the adults.  Once in a while a movie, like The Great Escape or The Wizard of Oz, was on that got our interest but only on Friday or Saturday nights and we had to endure Lawrence Welk first.

My children were born in the beginning of the era where there were many things to entertain them.  We had videos and cable TV.  The video games were invented in the late 70's and early 80's but not everyone had one.  My boys started bothering me to get them a gaming system before my oldest was 10 but I refused.  I felt that people were using these items to babysit their children.  Now, believe me, I wasn't the perfect mom, if there is one I would like to meet her.  I was known to let my children watch movies over and over again.  I could probably recite Rescuers Down Under by memory, and I really don't know how many times we watched Star Wars but if I never see it again I would be happy (I'll probably get a dirty look from my son's over that comment).  But the one thing I held out on was the gaming systems.

I would make my boys go outside and play in the dirt and told them that an imagination was important.  Sometimes they got so dirty and muddy we would have to spray them off with the hose before they came in the house.  At first I didn't want them to play war so I didn't buy them guns or swords but being boys they made those items out of sticks.  They had a fort and they would play for hours outside.  They have some good memories of their childhood.  They rode bikes and when they were old enough they started riding things with motors.  Did they get hurt?  Yes, we have been to the emergency room for stitches, broken bones, dislocated elbows, etc.  But, I wouldn't have done it any other way.  They are tough, smart, and full of fun.

It is much more exhausting to parent in today's age.  There are more parents who both work and then when you get home you have to cook a healthy dinner, help with homework, get the kids cleaned up and to bed.  Some parents have only a 3 to 4 hour window of time to do that.  And a lot of kids play sports so you have to fit in practice somewhere.  Even when one of the parents works part time it is difficult.  But, I would challenge the parents to "Press the Pause Button"  and not let the video games, movies and cable TV babysit your kids.  Stop what you are doing and go out and practice their sports or go to the creek and find bugs, or take a hike and identify plants and trees.  Don't take your cell phone with you when you do these things or if you do, turn it off and use it only for emergencies.  Kids emulate their parents and technology fascinates them.  Unplug and connect with them on their level.

Go camping but make a rule that they can't bring their hand held games, computers or cell phones.  Challenge them to find things to do.  When they are bored go on a hike or a bike ride, wear them out - they sleep better at night.  I realize that it is tough to make these rules and follow them but it is so worth it, you get to know your children better and you experience life through their eyes.

They did get the gaming systems eventually but had to buy them themselves.  Don't even get me started on policing the games they would borrow and bring home from their friends that were not age appropriate.  Wow, I just can't believe some of the things that parents have to police nowadays.  And most of the parents play video games so they already own the systems, it adds a whole new level to "Do what I say, not what I do".

My Mom

There were plenty of times in my relationship with my mother that I would have wished for the pause button.  My mom was a special person.  She grew up during the Great Depression, the oldest daughter of 14 children in a hard working German household.  Her childhood was not easy but the stories that she told were so much fun.  She came from a generation where the entertainment was to tell each other stories and laugh.  They didn't have television and were so poor that a radio was an extravagance.  Everything they did they had to think about how they could save.  They didn't waste anything, but she made it sound fun, it was a way of life - not a hardship.  She talked about how much she loved a coat that her mother had made from another coat by taking it apart and cutting it and re-sewing it.

My mom was the best cook-I'm not talking the most healthful, but everything she made tasted good and she didn't waste anything.  She cooked everything from scratch and I would sit in the kitchen and watch and ask her questions about her childhood and younger years.  I wish now that I had had a pause button so that I could have enjoyed and appreciated those times more. 

She was tough and independent.  She only went to school through the seventh grade but you would have never known it by the way she talked and held herself.  She had to stop going to school to start working and helping her family with the younger children.  She always wished that she had been able to finish her education.  But, she educated herself, she was a prolific reader and was knowledgable about a multitude of subjects.  She told us that being poor didn't mean that you had to sound poor.  She had an amazing vocabulary and made sure we spoke properly. 

I think that is what hurt the most when she started showing signs of Alzheimers.  She would forget the things she had learned about vitamins and health.  Her stories that she had told all of her life, that we had heard over and over, started to change.  She didn't remember how to cook family dishes that she had cooked through the years.  Watching that happen to her was probably one of the most difficult things that I have ever had to experience.  I wish that I could have paused her life before she started that phase.

I miss my mom so much, she was my best friend.  But, I do have my memories and that will sustain me.  She lives on in her children and grandchildren. 

Children

Children pose such a dilemma in life.  When you first have them you want to enjoy every moment, they smell so good and are so soft.  I wanted to press the pause button all the time in the first 4 months.  But then you want to make sure they are "normal" or "average", so you don't want to pause at all, you want them to reach the milestones at the right time.  That first year of their lives is such a double edged sword, you want it to slow down but you want them to eat solid food, cut their first tooth, walk, talk, etc.

I enjoyed my children's childhoods so much.  There were so many times in their youth that I wish I could have pressed the pause button to enjoy more.  The days we went to the creek and looked for tadpoles, the weeks we spent at Clear Lake camping.  The memories of them seeing things for the first time.  Watching the world open up for them is a wondrous thing.

Then the teen years come.  Those are the times that you wish for the fast forward button.  Or maybe the pause button so that you can just breath.  You always have to be on your toes and aware of who they are hanging with and where they are going.  You have to give them just enough rope to have the independence to enjoy their teen years but not enough so that they get into trouble.  You can't always parent the way you were parented because the times change and they are different people than you were as a teen.  I guess you just have to learn what works and what doesn't for any given situation.  But it would be nice to have that pause button to be able to stop and figure out what would be best for a problem facing them.

Looking back I feel that those years were probably some of my best.  I really loved being a mom to my two boys.  I know I'm still a mom but as they age they need you less and less and they aren't a part of your every moment.  Your job as a parent is to raise your children to be responsible independent adults but when they become that it's hard to transition into not always making sure they are okay.  They will always have accomplishments and also problems along the way.  Hopefully, as parents, we have given them the tools to navigate adulthood and know when to enjoy the moments they have because there isn't a pause button really.

Press the pause button

I'm new at this blogging thing, but I think I will enjoy it.  I chose the title Press the Pause Button because so many times in life I wish that I had that magic button to push so that I could pause and reflect or decide what would be best or maybe just to rest.  The rest part is more common the older I get.  A little bit about me:  I'm a 54 year old working mom and wife.  I have my own business helping other businesses with their computer accounting needs.  I have two sons, Karl - Age 22 and Andrew - Age 19.  My father passed away in 1985 when I was 28 and my mother passed in 2000 right before my 43th birthday.
My childhood was good, there wasn't any abuse or trauma.  I didn't have a good track record with romance in my teens and during my early adulthood - I always chose the wrong "type" to fall in love with.  But my first experience with "Push the Pause Button" was when my father died. 
I was living around 4 hours away from my parents in 1985 when I got the call that my father had had a heart attack and was being taken to the hospital.  This was before cell phones, so the initial phone call was all I had to go on.  I needed to find someone to watch after my apartment and needed to call my boss to tell him that I wouldn't be in the next day, pack and drive the 4 hours.  By the time I got to my hometown, my Dad had passed and everything was over with.  I stayed with my mom and helped with the planning of the funeral and the wake afterward.  By the time I got back to my apartment and my job it was a week later.  I had to jump back into my life as if nothing had happened.  I was attending night classes at a local junior college and working.  I lived by myself.  Staying busy when you are grieving is good, but you want so badly to "Press the Pause Button" and have everything stop for a little while so you can regroup and deal with reality.  My dad wasn't the most demonstrative in the love department but you just knew he was there when you needed him.  He was my life mentor, he was bigger than life and I missed him, I still do 26 years later.